She works hard for her money

I have unfortunately, unwillingly and disgustingly become someone who makes small talk at my office. Hi my name is Kelly, and I can be found in the elevator, kitchen or hallway discussing the weather or how it’s not Friday yet.

I realize this is part of working in corporate America, but I HATE it. I hate hate hate small talk. It’s mostly why I hate first dates. But at least on a first date you’re moving toward a smooch or something. In the office, that kind of talk moves toward nothing.

But I don’t know what to do about it! This is the first place I’ve worked where I don’t have a bestie. In Fort Wayne I always had at least seven people I could take a break with or have a real conversation with. Here, I’m by myself. Which, I’m fine with. I have a lot of friends outside of work here so it’s not as necessary for me to glom on to everybody and force them to be my friend, as has been the case in other cities I’ve lived. But the downside of that is I don’t know many people well enough to make anything deeper than small talk.

And I’m a journalist. There’s the expectation that every person will divulge the most personal details of their lives upon first meeting me.

The weather seems to be the number one topic here. Especially in Chicago. Where we are NEVER happy about the weather. Ever.

Every winter we are shocked, FLOORED that it’s cold out. And our hearts nearly stop when snow falls. And then spring comes and it rains. And we HATE rain. But then we pray for warmer weather and then it gets hot and we bitch and bitch and bitch about how hot it is and won’t it just cool down? And then it cools down and the cycle starts again.

This leaves about four variations of the same conversation to be had about the weather. Stimulating.

People who work in offices are also shocked on a daily basis that it is not, in fact, Friday yet. And they express this with others to have some sort of commiseration club about how we’re stuck at work and “everybody’s workin’ for the weekend” and how “I don’t want to work, I just want to bang on de drum all day.”

Le sigh.

I’ll cap this off with the awkward walk down the hallway scenario. I’m always confused with when I should acknowledge there is someone else coming down the same hallway. We both see each other. But then it’s weird to keep walking and stare each other in the eyes until we get closer. So I try to look away until I get almost next to them and then do the casual “hi.” Is that proper etiquette? Am I weird for being weirded out by this whole gig.

For the record, it has been too cold this week and it is only Thursday.